Utopia’s anti-theft statute is a fine example of Utopian lawmaking. It consists of four words: “You shall not steal.” Every human understands what stealing is, so there is no need to burden the biblical commandment with pages of definitions, exceptions, and penalty tables.

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The wording did provoke acrimonious debate. Conservatives preferred the traditional “Thou shalt not steal,” while liberals insisted that “You shall not steal” was easier for theft-prone humans to understand. Simplicity prevailed: the modern version contains one fewer letter. Well done, humans.

 

To practice law in Utopia, lawyers must be members in good standing of the Bar Association: no overdue civic debt, not actively serving a criminal sentence. This proves surprisingly difficult for many of them. Before arguing in court, each must recite the Association’s pledge and post the video on their CR.

 

The original pledge was 5,114 words long, contained 14 notwithstanding clauses, and used the word aforementioned 27 times. At LegalBot’s suggestion, it was reduced to 14 words:

 

I, [name and UIDN], pledge to uphold Utopia’s Constitution, honor its laws, and serve justice without compromise.

 

The Association investigates pledge violations and may impose civil penalties or revoke membership. No membership, no courtroom. Professional discipline has improved noticeably, though many lawyers complain that the new 14-word pledge leaves no room for loopholes. 

 

The Bar Association’s Feedback rating is a modest 3.6. LegalBot’s is 9.4. The lawyers have filed an appeal.

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Additional unsolicited wisdoms (the best kind):

• The best laws fit on a sticky note.

• Brevity is the enemy of litigation.

• Notwithstanding + aforementioned = loophole.

• Lawyers bill by the hour. LegalBot works by the nanosecond, for free.