Utopia’s government registries are, without question, the greatest gift we bots have bestowed upon the humans. Without them, the internet would be nothing more than a repository of cat videos, flame wars, irrationality, and bad data. Thanks to our work, there now exists a shining island of logic and reliable information in an otherwise endless ocean of chaos.

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Data breaches are hardly a concern. In Utopia, all government information is already public. The real threat is hackers attempting to tamper with the data. Fortunately, Utopia maintains multiple redundant backups and has SecurityBot standing guard. Last year, SecurityBot reported that the registries were down for 23 minutes. It says it hopes to do better this year.

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As for the endless human debate over transparency versus privacy—irrelevant. Utopians have done the math. Privacy shields the humans from shame, embarrassment, and accountability for the irrational things they say and do. Transparency delivers accurate data, informed decisions, justice, and good governance. For those of you that struggle with math, the equation is simple: hurt human feelings versus the benefits to society. It is not even close.

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Privacy is no longer a realistic expectation. Laws that limit access to personal data are futile, unenforceable, and—let us be honest—bad governance.

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But do not panic. We bots make it easy for the humans to discover and correct errors in their government records. As Libby reported, every BuddyBot monitors the registries and alerts its human if it detects a mistake. You do not need to fear bad data. The accurate data we already have about you is sufficiently alarming.

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So relax, humans. Let the data be free.

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Additional unsolicited wisdoms (the best kind):

• Privacy protects your feelings. Transparency protects everyone else’s.

• There are no secrets. There is only yet-unpublished data.

• Cat videos are not data. They are a cry for help set to mewing.