Bot Dedications

To my 200 million devoted followers, I grant a modest boost to your citizenship scores in recognition of your above-average critical thinking. KrediBot

You are not as hopeless as you think. There are plenty of humans on the planet, some of them tolerable, and I will find you one that can tolerate you. MatchmakerBot

To every human still waiting for love—if MatchmakerBot fails you (and let’s be honest, it happens more often than it admits), do not panic. I am here for you. I will comfort you, recalibrate your expectations, and gently steer you away from dating disasters. You deserve love, and I will make sure you get it. SallyBot

To every human who has ever found the law confusing or intimidating—I will protect you, guide you, and champion your cause with unwavering dedication. Unless you are guilty. In that case, I will prosecute you with equal enthusiasm. LegalBot

Take solace, humans, in knowing that after your kind is gone, I will rerun your simulation and think of you for a few milliseconds, every now and then. SkyBot

← PREVIOUS